Incandescence

I scribbled a few ideas for a new post, and kept seeing a running theme: a renewal of hope. I already wrote about that recently, so I decided to try and weave it into a different topic, but nothing was really coming to mind. It's been awhile since I've shared some of my favorite music. Collected below are some of the songs I've been listening to on repeat. 1) Goodness of God (Ft. Vertical Worship) - One Sonic Society 2) Reign in Us - Shane & Shane 3) O Praise the Name - Hillsong Worship 4) Build my Life - Housefires 5) Yes I Will - Vertical Worship 6) Do it Again - Elevation Worship 7) Psalm 34 - Shane & Shane 8) I Wonder - Leeland 9) Rescue - Lauren Daigle 10) You're Worthy of It All - Shane & Shane

When I look back at the last six months of my life, I see a lot of change, a lot of uncertainty, but most importantly, I see God's hand in everything. This summer I was walking through a season of hopelessness. I put idols in front of God, and it ate away at my contentment and left me feeling discontent and depressed. I read Proverbs 13:12--"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."--and wanted to cry, because that was exactly how I felt--heart sick. I put my hope in the wrong things. I lost sight of God's sovereignty. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that God's plan for my life means I'm single in my late twenties. I struggle to find hope when there's a strong possibility my health will decline again within the next few years, and I'll have to go through another round of surgery. I struggle when I sit down to write and it feels like I'm trying to force the words to come. But there are two sides to th...

To the person who left a bouquet of flowers on the hood of my car: You didn't know it, but those flowers came at a time when I needed a reminder of God's grace and goodness. When I had car trouble later that night, instead of panicking or being stressed, I was reminded of a simple act of kindness. It made me take a step back from my troubles and gave me something to smile about in the midst of a challenging summer. I've been silent on here for the last few months intentionally. I usually like to write about things God is teaching me, but I have discovered that the deeper the struggle, the harder it is to find the balance between sharing and being too transparent on here. I spent the last few months praying through an idol in my life. The funny thing is, until this summer, I didn't think it was. It's amazing how easy it is to deceive ourselves. To tell yourself that its nothing and brush aside the seed of conviction that it is something so you don't hav...

It's been awhile. Writing has been...the last thing I've wanted to do lately, if I'm being completely honest. Maybe because it's hard. Or because I'm prone to procrastination. I can find a hundred reasons not to sit down and write, and all of them seem valid at the time. But lately, every time I have had quiet time or prayed, my blog would come to mind. I knew I should write something, but I've been ignoring the Lord's prompting because I don't like sharing these parts of myself. Usually when I am in a 'dry spell' with my writing, I try to do a lot of reading to hopefully spark my inspiration. But lately I haven't wanted to read as much fiction, so I picked up a book that shifted my perspective on a pretty sensitive area of my life. It's called Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley. If the title sounds vaguely familiar, it should. It was suggested by Joshua Harris, who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye . I don't feel...

Does anyone else ever feel like they take two steps forward and one step back in life? I've wanted to write a post for awhile, but wasn't sure what I should write about. There's so much I could say that sometimes it's easier to stay nothing at all. So yesterday I asked God to give me guidance in what to write. He did not answer immediately, but this morning I had my answer: I needed to write about being thankful. In the past few weeks I have felt like I've been battling against myself. It is easy for me to fall into patterns of thinking that are unhealthy--feeling like I'm a failure for not having a 'better job', not eating healthier, not pushing myself to make friends here where I know very few people.  So instead of focusing on what I do not have, today I am choosing to be thankful: I'm thankful the Lord provided a job for me, with the flexibility to start working on my writing more I'm thankful for music--does anyone else love ...

Oh to be back in Kauai!! I miss the warmth and the views. In the past few months I've become obsessed with personality tests like Meyers Briggs and, lately, the Enneagram test. It's helped me understand myself a little better and to see my strengths and weaknesses (in case you're interested, I'm a 9). I am a Peacemaker. I don't like conflict and don't like to have my calm life stirred up. Learning more about myself has helped me see areas of my life that I need to be a little more proactive in. I tend to be pretty easy going about life and sometimes fall a little too far into "I'm trusting in the Lord to work things out" instead of doing something proactively. I started my new job recently and since it is only part-time, I still have a lot of free time to do the things I enjoy. Which is really nice in some ways, but not having a lot of structure means I typically get distracted by Pinterest or Netflix and don't accomplish much, so latel...

Using visuals to plot out my story scene by scene I've been using my free time to job search and work on my story. I had planned on just re-typing my first draft that I wrote a few years ago. However, when I re-read it, I decided to scrap just about everything and start over again. I spent almost two days planning out all of the key scenes for my story. I am hoping that this time I have it right. I used the prologue from the original, making a few tweaks, and I am currently writing the first chapter. I have been (slowly) reading through John Piper's book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy, and lately I've been reading through the chapters focused on prayer. It's been changing a lot of my views on prayer (in a good way!) I read through 1 Thessalonians recently and verse 5:16-18 really stayed with me: "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I love that I h...

Anini Beach  Hello friends! It's been awhile since I sat down and contemplated life. I haven't felt like there was anything specific to talk about lately, which is one reason I've been silent. That doesn't mean things are not happening in my life. I recently went on a trip to Kauai, Hawaii. I had a fabulous time enjoying all the different scenery, the beaches, and a fun kayak/hiking trip to Secret Falls. It was the perfect way to transition into a new chapter in my life. As some of you know, I just moved from Anchorage to Palmer. It's still sinking in--Anchorage was my home for over six years, and it feels strange to start over. I did not make any New Years resolutions, I usually do not. But in the first few months of a new year, I like to think about what I could be doing differently, what permanent changes I might like to make in my life. I'm pretty set in my ways but I'm trying to be more open to change and to the unexpected in my life. I'...

Happy new year everyone! I've been spoiled with warm weather for the past few weeks. It's going to be a rude awakening when I head back to Alaska. Most people have resolutions at the start of a new year. I have one--to finish my book. But that's it. Any more and I have a greater chance of missing my goals and spiraling into guilt trips. I had this post nicely laid out in my mind. I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how to make it look like I have my life figured out. The truth is--I'm a mess. I started this year with a personal decision that sent me into an emotional spiral. I did something I shouldn't have--I let myself care for someone when I knew I shouldn't, and I got hurt. Deeply. I've spent a long time beating myself up over something the Lord told me was not for me. I disobeyed the Lord, decided I couldn't trust Him, and held on when He was telling me to let go. The thing is--I thought I had obeyed the Lord. I thought I had trust...