Desire or Demand?

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It's been awhile. Writing has been...the last thing I've wanted to do lately, if I'm being completely honest. Maybe because it's hard. Or because I'm prone to procrastination. I can find a hundred reasons not to sit down and write, and all of them seem valid at the time. But lately, every time I have had quiet time or prayed, my blog would come to mind. I knew I should write something, but I've been ignoring the Lord's prompting because I don't like sharing these parts of myself.

Usually when I am in a 'dry spell' with my writing, I try to do a lot of reading to hopefully spark my inspiration. But lately I haven't wanted to read as much fiction, so I picked up a book that shifted my perspective on a pretty sensitive area of my life. It's called Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley. If the title sounds vaguely familiar, it should. It was suggested by Joshua Harris, who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

I don't feel like I'm 'lacking' in my life by being single, or even all that discontent, yet Carolyn's book intrigued me. Her book does talk about a hope deferred--in this case, marriage--but more importantly, she talks about what it means to have a vibrant, deep relationship with God.

I love an excerpt she used from Paul Tripp book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands about our desires. It puts into words that I never could what it means to have an unfulfilled desire, and how easy it can be for it to morph into something we didn't intend.

The objects of most of our desires are not evil. The problem is the way they tend to grow, and the control they come to exercise over our hearts. Desires are a part of human existence, but they must be held with an open hand...Demand is the closing of my fists over a desire. Even though I may be unaware that I have done it, I have left my proper position of submission to God.

 How often do we desire something good, only to have it morph and grow into something that controls us? It's a convicting thought. I've seen this in my own life. It's humbling to realize how often I fall into a pattern of relying on my own strength without even realizing it. It's even more humbling to realize that God loves me enough to gently correct said thinking, and to show me where I am lacking submission in my life.

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