A Renewal of Hope

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When I look back at the last six months of my life, I see a lot of change, a lot of uncertainty, but most importantly, I see God's hand in everything. This summer I was walking through a season of hopelessness. I put idols in front of God, and it ate away at my contentment and left me feeling discontent and depressed.

I read Proverbs 13:12--"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."--and wanted to cry, because that was exactly how I felt--heart sick. I put my hope in the wrong things. I lost sight of God's sovereignty.

Sometimes I struggle with the fact that God's plan for my life means I'm single in my late twenties. I struggle to find hope when there's a strong possibility my health will decline again within the next few years, and I'll have to go through another round of surgery. I struggle when I sit down to write and it feels like I'm trying to force the words to come.

But there are two sides to this coin--I can choose to look at what the Lord has not given me--or I can choose to see the blessings. Family close by, a job I enjoy, the opportunity to get involved in a life group at church. Time to explore new hobbies, renew friendships, and plan a vacation with friends.

When my focus shifted from what I didn't have to what I did--when I shifted my focus from "God is withholding something I desire," to "God is sovereign in all things, in all moments, in every breath I breath," my hopelessness faded away.

So much of life is a choice. I can choose to respond with joy and contentment, to place my hope in God, to trust the Lord. It's not always easy, but it is far better than being heart sick. When doubt begins to creep in, I remind myself that God is sovereign. Nothing is outside of his control, nothing in my life surprises him, so what is there to worry about or lose hope over?

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