Letting Go

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Happy new year everyone!

I've been spoiled with warm weather for the past few weeks. It's going to be a rude awakening when I head back to Alaska.

Most people have resolutions at the start of a new year. I have one--to finish my book. But that's it. Any more and I have a greater chance of missing my goals and spiraling into guilt trips.

I had this post nicely laid out in my mind. I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how to make it look like I have my life figured out. The truth is--I'm a mess. I started this year with a personal decision that sent me into an emotional spiral.

I did something I shouldn't have--I let myself care for someone when I knew I shouldn't, and I got hurt. Deeply. I've spent a long time beating myself up over something the Lord told me was not for me. I disobeyed the Lord, decided I couldn't trust Him, and held on when He was telling me to let go.

The thing is--I thought I had obeyed the Lord. I thought I had trusted Him, but sin kept me from complete obedience. I didn't fully let go. I let my own desires get ahead of the Lord--desire for a relationship, my own pride. I was afraid of the hurt I would experience in letting go. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of rejection.

The Lord doesn't save us from the fallout of our sin. My obedience was conditional--I disobeyed when He told me to trust and now I'm living with the consequences of my actions.

But more comforting than anything is knowing that this is a huge step in the right direction. When you are finally willing to surrender, there is peace and comfort. I've certainly experienced that in the past few days. Once I was willing to admit I was wrong, to let go fully and completely, I felt freedom and joy. I feel a little older, a little wiser, and humble. I know this is not the only time I'll mess up, but I'm thankful that the Lord doesn't hold that against me--against any of us. When we are sinful, there is forgiveness.

Here's to a new year, with Christ at the center of it.

Blessings,
Rachel

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