What Does it Mean to Trust?

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I know I talk a lot about trusting the Lord on here, but the older I get, the more I experience, the more I realize how transforming it has been in my life.

The journey to being healthier has been one of frustration, lots of doctors visits (14 in the past six months), and trying not to stress about the cost of treatment. It has been a period of questioning, of trying to trust, of being thankful, because all things considered, it could have been so much worse.

I'm excited to start getting healthy again. Last spring, for the first time ever, I wanted to run. I didn't push myself to do more than I felt I could manage, and after a week or two I was seeing a lot of improvement. But it felt like a losing battle. After June, I was having one, maybe two goods weeks every month, and the rest of the time I was somewhere between mostly-ok and miserable. In the past six or seven months, I felt like my life was on hold, waiting for those good days, scared to make commitments because I might have to break them.

Surgery should be a long-term solution, but the truth is, it is not a 100% cure. There is no cure for what I have. It's so easy to want people's sympathy, to play the victim, to be angry with the direction God has taken me in the past few years. It has not been just one thing, it's been so many big things--losing my brother, my health issues, even being single into my late twenties--but the Lord is giving me victory.

I'm far from perfect, and to say I haven't struggled would be an outright lie, but I have felt so much peace the past few months as the Lord has been showing me what it means to entrust every area of my life to him. I don't get it right all of the time, far from it, but there is grace and forgiveness in my failure.

As I sit here writing I am telling myself not to worry about tomorrow, not to worry whether I'll be sitting here in three years writing another post-surgery update. There is freedom in entrusting my cares to Him who gives me strength.

What does it mean to trust the Lord? I'm still figuring it out, but I know that my life is a lot less stressful when I loosen my grip on all of the difficulties and cares of this life.

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