Second Guessing Myself

-
Sometimes I find myself questioning a decision I made. It could have been something I decided five years ago, or 5 minutes ago.

I'm sure no one else has ever done that....

I went for a walk today (first one post surgery, yay!). I like to use this time to reflect. Today was no different. As I thought over the past few months, everything I've gone through, there were a few things that I regretted. But as I started to spiral I remembered the most important part--I didn't make the decision lightly or without thought--it was something the Lord was telling me to do.

And as gently today, I was reminded that if He was the one helping me make the decision, it was for my good. He doesn't do things to hurt us. Often, I think He is saving us from pain down the road. It is so easy, in hindsight, to forget the process of listening to the Lord, of praying and being obedient.

It's easy to miss His still, small voice.
Easy to live outside of His will because its easier.
Easier to ignore Him and choose a path that isn't right.
Easy to question Him when He isn't giving you what you want.
Easy to push Him aside when everything is going well.

That isn't to say its always easy to listen and obey, or that I always do. If I'm being honest, I have moments of disobedience, of willfully choosing to do something I know ultimately is not right. But I'm thankful that in those moments there is forgiveness and an abundance of grace.

Comments

Jerre said…
You've walked by faith and by sight in this circumstance.

We are all guilty. We all try to depend on ourselves thinking we've got it covered, when ultimately our attempts fall flat. Isn't that what Darrell was talking about on Sunday during second service regarding Joshua and the battle of Ai? We should always seek God first for counsel before we do any action that could affect our walk with Him.

I continue to pray that your walks remain fruitful.
February 19, 2018 at 1:00 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On Silence

-
Image
After an impromptu trip to Seward yesterday with family, I decided to take a break from this gorgeous weather long enough to do a quick post. I haven't been sure what to write lately, there are always a few ideas floating around in my brain but nothing that seems good enough to tease out and write a full post about. I sat here looking at a blank screen, writing and re-writing paragraphs. I haven't been doing a good job lately of having quiet time to process, which is part of the reason I have not written lately. Nothing seemed to come out quite right today, so I decided to switch things up a bit and write some poetry instead. When the Lord seems silent, I am far from him When He tells me--'wait', I still ask--'why?' and question Him He is patient When I am not, Abounding in grace He never leaves me Or forsakes me When I stray, He is a rock amidst storms, My comfort, a place of peace
Read more

Finding Humor in Everyday Mishaps

-
Image
I love finding beauty in simple things during my walks For the sake of everyone's safety, I'm staying off the streets today. Ok, not really, but I did manage to drop a Tupperware of sweet potato casserole on the floor, somehow, it landed right-side-up, but it splashed a trajectory of mashed sweet potatoes in a five-foot path. I also tried to work on my story today, but my attention span is about five minutes long at the moment, which is why I'm blogging instead. Like many hobbies, its something to work on. A few years ago I used to sit down for eight hours at a time to write, so I know I can do it, I just have to work up to it. Kind of like running. I used to hate it, but this past month, I started again at the encouragement of my brother-in-law, who, while he likes to give me a hard time, really does have my best interest in mind. My goal was the Coast Guard fitness test standards, which he was working on as well. For me, it meant a 1.5 mile run in 15:36, 12 pu...
Read more

12.26.17 - Reflections

-
Image
Christmas always comes more quickly than I expect it to. This year was no different. And like (almost) every other Christmas in Alaska in the past five years, I ushered it in with a cold. I guess next year I need to go sunbathe on a warm, sunny beach. As I look back at the past year, and what God has done in my life, I would like to think there has been some growth. I've been stretched beyond where I am comfortable, felt pummeled as I've had health problems for the past six months, and wondered why He would take away good things in my life. But God is showing me so many ways that I can trust Him more and lean upon Him and not my own understanding. I have surgery scheduled for February. It's not anything life-threatening, and I can be thankful for that, but of all the infinite possibilities for 2018, that was certainly not something I expected.  But that is life.  The Lord has a way of throwing things at you that you didn't see coming. And they aren'...
Read more