Incandescence

It's no secret that I'm an introvert. I was branded with that label in high school. We took the Myers Briggs test, and back then I scored 100% introvert. Yes, I could very easily be a hermit. My home is safe, I wear the silence like a blanket, warm and protective. I'm not 100% introverted anymore. But I'm probably still in the mid 80's. But on top of being an introvert, I'm also shy. These are two separate traits, but combined, they form a formidable barrier against making friends easily. Why am I telling you this? I'm not sure, I guess because sometimes I wish people could see what it's like to struggle with being a shy introvert, and to realize that if I don't reach out, it's not because I don't want to, it's probably because I'm afraid to. Reaching out to people is hard. I don't do parties unless I know at least a few of the people. The few times that I have found myself alone in a sea of strangers, I start to feel awkw...

I've spent the last month and a half working on a story. This isn't a new story, I have been working on it for the past ten years (yes, you read that right--ten years!) I realized I either needed to finish it or give it up, so I finished it. " It's done ," you say, " that's great! Are you going to try and publish it? " That is a good question. I recently read this post on writing . I love the first point by James Maxey. My writing is like a sculpture... My first draft is pretty terrible. The characters are not well defined, the plot has holes, and I cannot decide if I want to keep my story in first person or switch to third. I'm chipping away at the block of marble, until some day, maybe in two months, or (sigh) two years, I might actually have a beautiful piece of art. Right now, the block of marble is little more then dents and scratches, it's a little intimidating. I'm filled with doubt, often ready to scrap the whole story. But th...

Yesterday was a Jonah day (I pilfered the name from Anne of Green Gables, a term used to describe a bad, stressful, terrible sort of day). It wasn't that it was so terrible...but it kind of was. Eight years ago, a routine visit to the eye doctor right before my freshman year of college took an unexpected turn. I had a hole in my eye, if it didn't heal properly, it had the potential to detach my retina. That wasn't the sort of news I wanted to hear. I was already nervous enough about my first year away from home, I didn't need that additional stress. Thankfully, it healed, and nothing ever came of it. Until yesterday. I had an eye appointment. First of all, it was snowing, and I was driving my parent's car. I don't like driving much to begin with, but driving a vehicle I am not familiar with on snowy roads was especially nerve wracking, especially before 9 AM. I ended up sliding onto the shoulder of the road once while making a sharp turn on a back road. Th...

It's hard to believe it's 2016 already. It seems like time flies more rapidly the older I become. For a lot of people, a new year means new resolutions, goals, and a lot of recrimination when they struggle to reach those goals or give up after a few weeks. I gave up on making new year resolutions. I usually end up feeling guilty because I haven't been following them, and finally, in a fit of disgust, simply give up. My biggest resolution is to keep working on my writing. It's easier than I thought it would be (in some ways) and also harder. It's was easy to write when it was just a hobby, but now that I am writing with the hope of making it more than that, I'm full of doubts.  This quote  about sums up the past few weeks. I have resolved not to worry about whether my writing is good enough. I know that what I am feeling is universal, we all have doubts about something, whether it is writing or another interest, a job, a decision you just made, school. Writ...