Incandescence

It's amazing what a difference a few weeks can make--the last time I posted, I was pretty discouraged, but God has been so faithful in my life! Just after I wrote my last post, I interviewed and accepted a job. While it might not be my ideal job, it is so good to be working again. I do miss not spending my days writing, but I am trying to get back to it in my spare time, now that my life is less hectic. It's been so long since I've written, I forgot what section I was in editing and couldn't remember some of the key details I wanted to change...that's what I get for not taking better notes. But I am determined not to get back into the cycle of not writing and regretting it. It is hard to be intentional sometimes about even the things that I love to do, but here's to changing the cycle of procrastination and frustration that I lived in for several years before taking a step of faith, prevailing on my parent's kindness, and doing what I love for several...

The weather has been rather gray and stormy. It makes for some beautiful pictures, but it also tends to make me a little moody. In the past few months I have shared some of my struggles as I not only write, but search for a job. It has been, over all, a pretty discouraging time. I wrote about trust , and I am so thankful for a couple of songs that I have heard recently: Trust in You Thy Will Be Done Oh God On a positive note, I went camping over the weekend, and, though it was rainy, the views were spectacular from our site. It was a nice way to say farewell to summer.

The past few months have been challenging, growing, discouraging, fruitful, and the list goes on. I keep saying that I have had to learn to trust God more through this time, but sometimes that is easier to say than do when I am not seeing results. A quick Google search for verses on trusting the Lord humbled me and reminded me that this time is fruitful in ways I might not even understand. I might not have found my dream job yet, at least, one that pays, but I should not let that discourage me. Proverbs 3:5-6 was especially encouraging, "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight." It seems easier to rely on my own strength, but in the end, I end up discouraged and trying to figure out where I went wrong (the answer is, of course, staring me in the face I just don't want to look at it). I wish this was an easier lesson to learn, I wish that my sinful human nature did not continually exe...

Today I decided to go for a drive and I ended up in Portage Valley. I just needed to get out of town for awhile and unwind after a busy week. For some that would mean going for a hike, for me, it means going for a drive and finding somewhere quiet to read, write, and have some much needed quiet. I couldn't have found a better place. There is a little observation deck over this lake, and I did not see another person the whole time I was there. It is beginning to feel like fall here, the air is cooler, and in some areas, the leaves are beginning to turn. This time of year is bittersweet, beautiful, but also a little sad because we are saying farewell to summer and hello to months of winter. I never cease to be amazed at the beauty that surrounds us here. The mountains were shrouded in clouds and dappled with sunlight, and I watched a rainstorm come up the valley, which then precipitated my hasty departure :) . I also discovered a new favorite soundtrack: The Fault In Our Stars,...

Virgin Falls...'cause no post is complete without a picture :) I have several writing playlists, but my current favorite features some of the following songs/artists: (in case you are interested, if not, that's ok too) Andrew Belle - Pieces (Hushed) James Bay - Let It Go Twenty one pilots - Stressed Out .... (cause I'm a stressed-out, unemployed novelist, lol) Parson James - Waiting Game X Ambassadors - Unsteady Feist - Cicadas and Gulls Ben Sollee - A Few Honest Words Live - Lightening Crashes Citizen Cope - Sideways Van Morrison - Tupelo Honey Jon McLaughlin - We All Need Saving Dan Croll - Home Duffy - I'm Scared Brandi Carlile - Heart's Content Charlotte Day Wilson - Work Ben Lee - Float On Radical Face - Wrapped in Piano Strings It amuses me how many of the song titles fit the current stage of my life--Stressed Out, Unsteady, feeling Sideways, Scared and Waiting. Haha. I didn't plan it, it just sort of...happened.

I have come to realize that nothing is set when it comes to my story. As soon as I have the plot in place and have begun to make progress, along comes another idea that improves upon the original, and suddenly a 'small but significant change' is necessary, and that 'small change' ripples through the entire story and mass revisions are suddenly necessary. Sometimes this is disheartening, but overall, when I see how much better my draft is for the change, its exhilarating. I'm almost halfway through re-writes for the second draft. Sadly, this still does not mean I will be done. If anything, I will probably conceive more ways to change and re-work it, making a third draft necessary, but I do feel like this second draft is, in general, 100% better than my first draft. I'm not sure if it is ever going to be publishable, I'm trying not to even think about that process yet. It's daunting, even thinking about the possibility. If nothing else, I know for su...

I'm back in Ohio for a few weeks. It was a very spur-of-the-moment decision precipitated by a good air miles ticket and the chance to spend a couple of days with my friends over Independence day weekend. I thought I would get a lot of writing done while I was here, but things never go the way I want them to. Don't get me wrong, I have been writing, but not as much as I expected to. Partly because I've been busy helping 'remodel' my parents sun room, which required stripping layers and layers of wallpaper, some of it probably dates back to the 40's. I also went to a sprint car race at Sharon Speedway with my dad and friend. Not sure what that is? Here are a few links to some past races: World of Outlaws 2016 This video  was from the night we went. Getting pumped for the races to begin! It was a perfect evening: mid 70's, no humidity (thankfully). It's a rush watching the cars race past you, kicking up clouds of dust and so loud that you ...

As some of you already know, I went on a 9 mile walk/hike yesterday. I haven't had a chance to do any hikes yet, so I was excited--and better yet, it was sunny. I went to Rabbit Lake with a friend, and it was a reminder to me of why I choose to stay in Alaska. I don't love the winters, they are long, dark, cold, dreary...I could keep going. But the three golden months of June, July and August are a reminder of why I stay year after year--because I live in  the most gorgeous, breathtaking state in the country. Don't get me wrong, every state that I have been to has something unique and beautiful about it. Ohio has pastoral, rolling hills, Arizona the Grand Canyon, Hawaii turquoise waters and palm trees, volcanic rock and tropical beauty. But to prove my point, here are some pictures from my hike: Suicide Peaks: about two miles to go! Looking back down the trail Rabbit Lake The only downside is that I think I pulled a muscle the day before, and ...

I read something today that was encouraging. I went to the library the other day and browsed, trying to find a few books to read. I picked up Sword Song by Rosemary Sutcliff, and there was a note about the author in the front matter that was encouraging. It went as follows: "Throughout her working life my godmother and cousin, Rosemary Sutcliff, wrote each of her books in three consecutive drafts." Why is this so encouraging?  Because I just finished going through my manuscript and decided to take my story in a completely new direction that means it needs almost a full re-write. The decision was not easy. I wanted to ignore the promptings that brought me to it. It would be far easier to make light edits and call it good. But I do not want a good book, I want to write an excellent one, and if that means it takes me ten years to complete it, so be it. Finished editing my manuscript with this as my view With that said, it was a little discouraging...

Sometimes life seems to get in the way of my blog posts. That's a pretty weak excuse, but I'm sticking with it! My parents were here for a week and a half visiting, and I had fun playing tourist with them. We live in such an incredible, gorgeous state that it would be a shame to not go do fun things and see new places. Instead of describing every minute detail, I'm going to post some pictures and let them speak for themselves. So enjoy! Eklutna Lake Out for a walk on Winner Creek Trail Hiking the Winner Creek Trail Virgin Creek Falls My niece enjoying the freshly-turned garden soil. Couldn't have had nicer weather for planting the garden!  I discovered a new passion: finding as many short, gorgeous hikes that end in waterfalls as possible! We went out to Thunderbird Falls earlier in the week, and then went out to Winner Creek and Virgin Creek later in the week. All I can say is there is so much beauty in this state.

I realized today it has been far too long since I posted on here. I was pretty busy the past two weeks watching my niece and nephew so my brother-in-law could help my uncle with his bathroom remodel...I also house-sat/took care of a couple of dogs, and they had this really beautiful piano. I had so much fun playing again! Eventually I would love to own my own piano so I can play regularly. Now that my babysitting services are not required I'm back to 'business': job searching and working on editing my book! I actually really enjoy the editing process. There are lots of red marks on my manuscript, and instead of finding it discouraging, I think it is encouraging: it means I am making it better...I hope. I had an interview today. Even if I do not get the job, I am gaining experience through these interviews (this is my second). I feel like I have come so far in the past few years. In the past, a job interview would have majorly stressed me out. This time, I didn't ...

My writing companion. She likes to try to help me with my writing. This month has been about challenging myself to exercise more, and harder, and cut back on sugar and eat a little healthier in general. This seems like the sort of thing you are supposed to do at the beginning of a new year, but I like to do things because I choose to, not because it is what everyone else is doing. I had sugar for the first time in over three weeks. I was supposed to be off sugar for the entire month of April, but I found that I've been compensating for the lack of sugar by eating more carbs. In effort to be healthier, I am re-introducing a little bit of sugar into my diet. It seems like every time I have victory in one area of my life, another issue flares up. But that is life, isn't it? As you might have noticed, I haven't been posting as consistently for the past two weeks. I have been struggling to find anything worth writing about. Not just in this blog, but also my story. I was...

AK is so gorgeous! Sometimes it's hard to believe I actually live here This might have been the first week in months that I did not post consistently. I think it is mostly because I was busy Monday and Tuesday, and then after that, I just could not think of anything to write about. I'm still struggling a little with that. This month has been all about challenges: for the month of April I am cutting out all desserts and sugary coffee drinks. I thought it would be hard to go off sugar (well, mostly, I don't nit-pick and not eat something if there is sugar in the ingredients of say, ketchup) but it has been surprisingly easy. I have said no to sugar a lot in the past two weeks, and it has felt really good. My plan is to re-introduce sugar, but in smaller amounts, in May. I feel like in some ways I am trying to 'reinvent' myself--less sugar, more exercise--overall, I want to live healthier and establish better habits while I have all this extra time. Kind ...

I have been working on my second book a lot recently. I am almost to 30,000 words, which is almost a third of the way there (I'm shooting for about 90,000) in only 3 weeks! At this rate, I might be done with it by May, just in time to start revising the first book. It is really hard not to grab my manuscript and a pen and get to work on my first book. It's like having a Christmas gift sitting in your room for three months just begging to be opened, but you know you should wait until Christmas Day. I might have peeked, just a bit. To help my own writing, I've been reading lots of books, mostly fantasy because that is the genre I am writing in too, though I've also read historical fiction and a few other genres. It's interesting to read books not just as a reader, but as a writer. Reading becomes not just entertainment, but a chance to pick apart other writer's work, see what works, what does not (at least in my opinion) and sometimes wonder how the person w...

As many of you know, I am currently unemployed. I chose to leave a perfectly good job so I could write. When I finished my book, I returned to Alaska and now I am in the process of looking for a new job. In the last few months, I have really learned to trust the Lord and seek His will for me. More often than naught, I get this wrong, but recently, I had such an amazing answer to prayer I can't help but share it. I was considering my options for jobs, trying to decide what to do, and was going to visit someone about a possible job. As I was driving down there, I was praying about it and asked the Lord to give me guidance. I met with them, enjoyed my visit, and felt absolute peace afterward that that was not what the Lord had in store for me. I have no idea what job I will end up in, but for that situation He showed me very clearly that that was not where I was supposed to be. It's encouraging and humbling to remember that everything that happens is in His hands, and s...

It is hard to believe it has already been a year since I went to Maui! I couldn't resist adding a few pictures. It's so beautiful and warm I have half-seriously considered moving there. But Alaska is home for now, in spite of 7+ inches of snow one day, and 50 degrees two days later. We're getting as bad as Ohio around here! Just in case you have ever wondered why we have the QWERTY keyboard system:  the origin of the qwerty keyboard I found this amazing cookie recipe on Pinterest:  softbatch cream cheese chocolate-chocolate chip cookies My new favorite soundtracks: The Book Thief  (if you have not read the book you should, it's good) and Ever After This waterfall hike is on my list to hike this summer, as well as well as exploring Hatcher's Pass . I would love to go out to Rabbit Lake again, and a hike in Whittier, as well as Virgin Creek. Every year I make these goals, and every year I only end up doing about half of them. Hopefully this year wi...

I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort of writer, which means I don't do a lot of planning, I just start writing, with no clear idea of where the story will go. For some, this is madness, but for me, it seems to work. Here's why: I tried to create a scene list, some sort of general outline, for my second book just to see how it would work, and I'm already starting to wonder if my story will even follow it. My character is so much fun to write about I don't want to try and force him to go where I think he should go. The story I had planned for him does not seem quite right. I'm creating an ensemble of characters and I get to 're-use' a character I had to cut from my first book (this makes me really happy, I'm so glad he gets a second chance). I guess I will continue to figure it out as I go, because what's the point of all that work of plotting and planning if I don't even end up using it? I also think that my writing continues to improv...

Went out to Glacier View to pick up my car. Couldn't have asked for more beautiful weather! I have officially started my second book! Well, actually, it's more like my eighth, but I discount most of the writing I did before I was in college because it is so terrible it makes me laugh and cringe simultaneously. I am already enjoying delving back into the same world (I don't know if I ever said much about my last book, but it is a fantasy novel in a world I created 10+ years ago). I am writing about a different character in a different country, so I get to create a new culture, new back story. I think some characters from the last book will make an appearance in this one to, so I'm pretty excited about that. I'm also a little nervous because my main character is a nineteen-year-old boy, so this could be a challenge! I love him already, he is going to be a fun character to write about! One thing I have found really useful for my writing is creating an inspir...

I was looking back over my blog, changing the layout (again, I know, I can't decide what I like). I realized I have had this blog for almost ten years now. It is a little scary to think that I have been doing anything semi-consistently for so long. I have learned a thing or two since I started. Those of you who have humored me by reading this blog have journeyed with me through four years of college and the not-quite four years (four in May!) that have passed since. These ten years have been a time of refinement and of learning who I am and what I want in life. I will admit, I have had a lot of expectations that never came to fruition. There have been things that have challenged me, pushed me, and stretched me, and I am a stronger person for those challenges. I am not, and have never been, the most adventurous person. I can't help but wonder what the next ten years hold. Will I have regrets? Probably. But hopefully not as many as the past ten years hold. The last ten years...

The first signs of spring. Crocuses. Every time I make a major change in my story, it sharpens and starts to come to life. I began my story in first person, but it never flowed the way I wanted it to. So I changed it to 3rd person. Past tense. For a while, that worked. My writing flowed. And then, it stopped. I wasn't happy any longer with the way it flowed. I made another big change yesterday: 3rd person. Present tense. Even though the change is intimidating and I am running out of time, it was the right choice. My story is becoming even sharper now, instead of a distant, fuzzy image, it is close and clear. The desire to write is back, strong and forceful. When I am not writing, I am thinking of writing. Possible scenes float through my head. I imagine their conversations, think of characters interactions, and they come to life and are the ones who dictate the story, not me. They are like friends to me. I am telling their story, finding the right medium. Like an artis...

It's hard to believe my time in Ohio is almost gone. How has three months flown by so quickly? I'm (sometimes frantically) working on my story, trying to prod it into a roughly finished draft. I know, I know, I said before I was done, and here I am, saying again that it is almost finished (again). The problem with writing is it is never finished! I re-work on section and the ripples reach throughout the story, and suddenly the whole last half of the book has to be tweaked and reworked. New scenes are added, old ones suddenly don't work and have to be deleted. Some characters have been removed, others gain more importance in the story. The marble is being chipped away. It is still rough, but something is emerging from the block, at this point, I cannot tell if it will be worth the work or not. I am too close to this story, I cannot tell anymore whether it is any good, whether the story will hold up to criticism, whether I have written compelling characters. I just don...

I can't decide if I should stop reading writing advice or continue reading it. No matter what topic, opinions differ. Some authors say you should create a scene list before writing, so you know where your story is headed. Others tell you to start writing and let the story flow. I couldn't say for sure which, if either, is best. All I can say is that I did take the advice of some and create a scene list. My story began over ten years ago. I started writing and realized that my story was heavily influenced by Tolkien (magical ring, anyone?) I started over, testing several different story lines, until I finally ended up on the one I am currently working on. I guess I like to do things in the wrong order, because I wrote my story, and then decided maybe I should try creating a scene list. It is helpful, I would say I got just as much benefit from it after writing my story as creating a list of scenes before I even started, because if I have discovered anything, it is that ch...

It seems like recently I've been posting a lot of 'serious' posts. So, in a different vein, I thought I would share another of my interests--music--I love playing soundtracks and playlists as I write because it helps me stay sane. Just for fun, I thought I would share some of my favorites, the artists and songs that I've been playing on repeat recently. I realized when I finished that I ended up including everything from pop to country. Here are some of them, listed first by artist, then the song (or album, in some cases): 1) Reeve Carney - New For You (song) 2) Ray LaMontagne - some of my favorite songs: Let It Be Me, Trouble 3) Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago & Blood Bank (albums) 4) The Civil Wars - any of their albums 5) Ben Sollee - A Few Honest Words (I really like the instrumentals in this song) 6) Switchfoot - Sing It Out (this might be my favorite Switchfoot song) 7) Seabird - Rocks into Rivers (album) 8) Throwing Copper - Lightning Crashe...

I just wrote the epilogue for my story. Of course, a lot can (and probably will) change before I am completely done with it. But after spending over ten years working towards this ending, it's not relief, but sadness that I feel. I have a second story forming now, a continuation of the one I am currently working on. But it is bittersweet, because I have to say goodbye to the characters I have become acquainted with and developed over the past couple of months. I have to say goodbye to my flawed but lovable heroine, and the host of other supporting characters that I have become attached to. I think I'm going to cry now...just kidding. But really...as a consolation, I think I'm going to immerse myself in my new story. I'm not going to lie, I love love love (did I repeat myself? Sorry) writing. I have had a few momentary blocks, but I have been learning to push through them. Sometimes (especially when I'm blocked) my writing is terrible, and I have to go back and del...

It's no secret that I'm an introvert. I was branded with that label in high school. We took the Myers Briggs test, and back then I scored 100% introvert. Yes, I could very easily be a hermit. My home is safe, I wear the silence like a blanket, warm and protective. I'm not 100% introverted anymore. But I'm probably still in the mid 80's. But on top of being an introvert, I'm also shy. These are two separate traits, but combined, they form a formidable barrier against making friends easily. Why am I telling you this? I'm not sure, I guess because sometimes I wish people could see what it's like to struggle with being a shy introvert, and to realize that if I don't reach out, it's not because I don't want to, it's probably because I'm afraid to. Reaching out to people is hard. I don't do parties unless I know at least a few of the people. The few times that I have found myself alone in a sea of strangers, I start to feel awkw...

I've spent the last month and a half working on a story. This isn't a new story, I have been working on it for the past ten years (yes, you read that right--ten years!) I realized I either needed to finish it or give it up, so I finished it. " It's done ," you say, " that's great! Are you going to try and publish it? " That is a good question. I recently read this post on writing . I love the first point by James Maxey. My writing is like a sculpture... My first draft is pretty terrible. The characters are not well defined, the plot has holes, and I cannot decide if I want to keep my story in first person or switch to third. I'm chipping away at the block of marble, until some day, maybe in two months, or (sigh) two years, I might actually have a beautiful piece of art. Right now, the block of marble is little more then dents and scratches, it's a little intimidating. I'm filled with doubt, often ready to scrap the whole story. But th...

Yesterday was a Jonah day (I pilfered the name from Anne of Green Gables, a term used to describe a bad, stressful, terrible sort of day). It wasn't that it was so terrible...but it kind of was. Eight years ago, a routine visit to the eye doctor right before my freshman year of college took an unexpected turn. I had a hole in my eye, if it didn't heal properly, it had the potential to detach my retina. That wasn't the sort of news I wanted to hear. I was already nervous enough about my first year away from home, I didn't need that additional stress. Thankfully, it healed, and nothing ever came of it. Until yesterday. I had an eye appointment. First of all, it was snowing, and I was driving my parent's car. I don't like driving much to begin with, but driving a vehicle I am not familiar with on snowy roads was especially nerve wracking, especially before 9 AM. I ended up sliding onto the shoulder of the road once while making a sharp turn on a back road. Th...

It's hard to believe it's 2016 already. It seems like time flies more rapidly the older I become. For a lot of people, a new year means new resolutions, goals, and a lot of recrimination when they struggle to reach those goals or give up after a few weeks. I gave up on making new year resolutions. I usually end up feeling guilty because I haven't been following them, and finally, in a fit of disgust, simply give up. My biggest resolution is to keep working on my writing. It's easier than I thought it would be (in some ways) and also harder. It's was easy to write when it was just a hobby, but now that I am writing with the hope of making it more than that, I'm full of doubts.  This quote  about sums up the past few weeks. I have resolved not to worry about whether my writing is good enough. I know that what I am feeling is universal, we all have doubts about something, whether it is writing or another interest, a job, a decision you just made, school. Writ...