Incandescence

I have to store up all the sunshine and gorgeous mountain vistas I can before winter sets in. Here are a few of the things I have done this summer: Camping out near Whittier Eagle and Symphony Lake hike

Recently I've been struggling to feel content.  Content with who I am, content with what I do. Content with my life in general.  I think I always had certain expectations of what my life would be like when I was an adult, and I have not lived up to those expectations.  I am mad at myself for not doing better, trying harder, experiencing more.  But given the opportunities, would anything even change? I can blame my complacency on many things--struggles, fear, self-doubt.  But I think that what I am really struggling with is humbling myself before a Holy, Sovereign God in complete submission.  It is hard to trust that He is not going to take the people I love from me, that His plan for my life is good, that He will provide for me.  Not always in the way I want Him to, or in a manner I expect, but He will. It is a painful process of peeling the layers of self-sufficiency, self-focus, and autonomy away.  Like Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn...