I've been ruminating on the idea of waiting all month. It's a subject that is near and dear to my heart as a Christian, and also as a single woman in her thirties. It's a hard subject to write about, because waiting is so different for every one of us. According to a quick online search, the definition of waiting is: "the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens." But what I am learning is that waiting is less about what you get at the end of it and more about what you learn through it. Psalms 130:5-6 says: “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.” (ESV) Its easy to turn waiting into an excuse to be angry, hurt, or disappointed with God. Unanswered prayers can be so hard. It can lead to doubt--'maybe God doesn't really love me,'--or make you wonder if there is some sin th...
I love finding beauty in simple things during my walks For the sake of everyone's safety, I'm staying off the streets today. Ok, not really, but I did manage to drop a Tupperware of sweet potato casserole on the floor, somehow, it landed right-side-up, but it splashed a trajectory of mashed sweet potatoes in a five-foot path. I also tried to work on my story today, but my attention span is about five minutes long at the moment, which is why I'm blogging instead. Like many hobbies, its something to work on. A few years ago I used to sit down for eight hours at a time to write, so I know I can do it, I just have to work up to it. Kind of like running. I used to hate it, but this past month, I started again at the encouragement of my brother-in-law, who, while he likes to give me a hard time, really does have my best interest in mind. My goal was the Coast Guard fitness test standards, which he was working on as well. For me, it meant a 1.5 mile run in 15:36, 12 pu...
Recently I've been struggling to feel content. Content with who I am, content with what I do. Content with my life in general. I think I always had certain expectations of what my life would be like when I was an adult, and I have not lived up to those expectations. I am mad at myself for not doing better, trying harder, experiencing more. But given the opportunities, would anything even change? I can blame my complacency on many things--struggles, fear, self-doubt. But I think that what I am really struggling with is humbling myself before a Holy, Sovereign God in complete submission. It is hard to trust that He is not going to take the people I love from me, that His plan for my life is good, that He will provide for me. Not always in the way I want Him to, or in a manner I expect, but He will. It is a painful process of peeling the layers of self-sufficiency, self-focus, and autonomy away. Like Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn...
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