If Not Now, When?

I have had lots of ideas for posts lately, but never found the motivation to actually sit down and write them out. That seems to be the case a lot--the thread of an idea that I have no time or interest in unraveling--but today I am sitting down to write out some of my thoughts.

If not now--when?

That has been a recurring thought for me lately. If not now...when? For so many years, there was something just a few years away--high school graduation. College. College graduation. My first job. My stint as an unemployed writer. My new job. Every few years, for years, there has been something new to anticipate, but for the first time--possibly ever--there is nothing looming. No big change, no excitement as I start school or quit a job to try something different, and I can't help but wonder, is this it? 

Occasionally I'll joke about moving to Hawaii or trying something new, but never quite seem to muster the courage to do it. But there is a different kind of courage in living in the here and now, and in finding satisfaction in things as they are. That doesn't mean settling, I'm not saying that, but it does mean I can enjoy where God has placed me.

I have dreams that I thought would be fulfilled by now, but I'm finally starting to realize I might be better off if I loosen my grip on them. I don't want to completely let them go, not yet, but I can try to step back and trust the Lord's plan instead of mine, because clinging to hope when they are not fulfilled is painful.

My thoughts are in a muddle, and I didn't mean for this to devolve into some sort of depressing look at what's wrong with my life or what I could be doing better. In the midst of the confusion of where I am in life, the frustration of unfulfilled dreams, I'm seeing the Lord's hand in my life. I have peace and assurance that no matter what, this is His plan, far better than anything I could ever do on my own. I hope you have it too.